'Bad' Words... Words Can Hurt Game

Words Can Hurt

Another very popular game in the 'Game of Words' is the Words Can Hurt game. Unlike the 'Bad' words game, where the object is to become 'offended' by certain words, the Words Can Hurt game is more designed for 'hurting' feelings. In this game, there are no specific words that have been set aside as 'bad'. This game is based more upon words or statements that seem to target the ego. Preying upon emotional insecurities. Especially if the words or statement have some substance of truth in it. This combined with the "I Can't Control My Own Emotions" game, can make for some potentially pretty ugly game scenarios. The major difference between the two games is the 'brainwashing' factor. In the 'Bad' words game, the 'offensiveness' of the word relies on how heavily one buys into how 'bad' a word is. In the Words Can Hurt game there is no 'brainwashing' factor. It is one on one. Words vs. receiver

Words Don't Hurt

The first thing we need to make clear is that words do not hurt! Just Beware! Once you say this to someone, especially if they are a player of the game, the argument usually begins. Generally, even after attempting to explain to them why words don't hurt, time after time the explanation falls upon deaf ears as their game continues robotic-ally on.

So I say it again.. "Words do not hurt!". In case you missed the lesson on the "No Such Thing As a Bad Word" game, words are just sounds made by air passing through the 'voice box'; then shaped by the lips, tongue, and mouth to form a specific sound. Words are neutral. They have no special powers. Having said that, the first question that usually pops out of a game players mouth in argument to this statement is; "What about intention?" Or, " What if someone is saying something to deliberately hurt you?"

Okay. Let's talk about that.

Intention

Intention and words are two different things. Intention is the purpose of an act. What someone means to accomplish. Words are merely a tool people use to accomplish that purpose. But their purpose can only be accomplished if those words mean something to the person they are saying them too. Otherwise those words will flitter harmlessly off into the land of nowhere. Clearly showing it is not the words that hurt, but rather what those words mean to the receiver.

The thing about intention is that it relies on the receivers' mental state. Remembering, that in the beginning we talked about how the 'Words Can Hurt' game preys on emotional insecurities. Therefore the more insecure or sensitive the mind is that receives the intention, the more vulnerable it is to being 'hurt'. Even if the intention was not to 'hurt', the perception that it was, can cause the mind to act just as it would if the intention had been purposeful.

In other words, in order for words to 'hurt', the receiver must take possession of them. There must be mental ownership of what is being said to them. Otherwise, even with the most hostile of intentions, the words being said, will bounce off like a tennis ball does off a brick wall. As is the case with easy going or 'thick skinned' people. It is the sensative and emotional type that really let words kick their butts.

Intention can be delivered in many different ways. In the heat of anger, not only are the words cast forth with energy and passion, but often contain deeply hidden feelings as well. Words spoken in anger are often regretted once the battle is over. Regrettable as they may turn out to be, those words were intended to do damage. To strike at the heart.

Intention can also be delivered with very little force at all. A very common form of 'soft' intention would be sarcasm, or a delivery masked with humor. Whereas angry deliveries are aimed at the heart, 'soft' deliveries are more subtle and aimed at the mind; causing the receiver to have to think about what is being said. Thus allowing it to filter in slowly, in an effort to avoid 'hurting' the feelings of someone too sensitive to deal with straight forward communication.

Teasing

Far and away, by a very large margin, the most 'hurtful' game in the 'Words Can Hurt' game is the teasing game. To the VERY sensitive, teasing can become a very serious matter. Especially if done by a group of piers in hateful fashion. Of course, this is not to say that all teasing is 'hurtful'. Because the Teasing Game can be played on many different levels. And some of those levels are not always a bad thing. Teasing can be done quite playfully. Especially among those whom we are comfortable enough with to feel confident they can take the teasing good naturedly. Without being 'hurt'.

When among friends, especially very good friends, words can be hurled back and forth with some pretty good force. Because the intention between them is only meant as playful strikes, and never to 'hurt'. The stronger the receivers, the tougher the game can get; thus allowing for very personal and wicked blows to be delivered. Only in this game, the tougher the blow, the more fun the game gets. Ultimately ending with no hard feelings between the players as they walk away still friends, never giving it a second thought.

On the other hand, teasing can get extremely 'ugly'. Because once intention turns negative, it then becomes a form of verbal assault. Especially when the teasing originates from deep within the senders emotions. Emotions such as hate, jealousy, or just cruelty, are attached to the words; then fired directly toward someone, seeking their weakest spot. Such as emotional 'rejection' buttons, intending to cast them out as vile or inferior beings.

The more relentless verbal attacks on someone becomes, the more 'dangerous' it can get. Potentially driving someone to a point of insanity. Depending on the nature of the taunt, or who it is delivering it; the receiver can become violently angry, or possibly suicidally depressed. Society has now deemed certain levels of 'teasing' to be a form of bullying. Holding the teaser civilly liable, or even criminally liable for the 'damage' they do to the receiver.

Such negativity reinforces the argument for words being able to hurt. Advocates of 'words can hurt' would argue that the proof is in the pudding, so to speak. Stating case after case where someone committed suicide, or became 'emotionally harmed' because of a negative barrage of words. Yet, in rebuttal, one merely asks the the question,. "Why some, but not others?"

The Words 'Victim'

The answer to the question, "Why some, but not others?", is: Because it's not the words that hurt. What hurts is the mental state of the receiver. Those that are 'hurt' by words are plainly and simply stated, not mentally stable to begin with. They are not victims of words, they are victims of their own minds. People who are 'hurt' by words far too attached to their own insecurities. Their own egos. In their minds they need to believe they are good, worthwhile human beings. Their existence relies on it. Yet, deep down inside they have doubts. They need constant reassurance to keep their ego's satisfied, otherwise their minds will generate thoughts of inferiority of unworthiness about themselves.

Negative words merely reinforce these insecurities. Magnifying their beliefs of inferiority or unworthiness to such levels, that the emotions attached to them become so strong, they can easily overpower the insecure receiver. Who then becomes the affect of their emotions, rather than controlling them. And once an emotion starts taking over, insanity begins.

It is ignorance that causes words to hurt. Nothing else. It is ignorance because many a receiver has no idea that the solution to their 'pain' is as easy as making one simple thought. A decision. The decision to let it go. To merely choose for it not to matter. Rather than choosing that it does. Yet, so many of those whom are 'hurt' by words, have no idea they don't have to be. They have absolutely no clue just how powerful their minds are. How simple it is to control the outcome. Instead, they fall prey to their own ignorance.

Having said that, I will now say this. It is one thing to be ignorant and just not know that one can control one's own thoughts, or how to do it. It is completely another to know it, but just don't care to make the mental effort to try. Because unfortunately, there are many out there who just don't want to leave the game. They stay in the game because they like the emotion of it. They like being the victim. They are comfortable in that place because it has become so natural for them to be there. So easy. Not only that, but being a victim gives them cause. Cause for attention, cause for anger, or cause to feel sorry for themselves. Which in turn gives them an excuse. A justification for the drama which is probably to follow.

Summary

The old statement "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me.", could easily be changed to "Words will never hurt me". Because in the end, the depth of the meaning is the same. Unfortunately, most people don't really understand what that depth is. Which, simply stated is, when it comes to words; the only thing that hurts us is ourselves.

Once this is understood, it doesn't matter what the intention of the word hurler is. Nor does it matter how hard they are hurled. The only thing that matters at all, is how we deal with it. It's all about the choice we make. Are we going to attach to the words, allowing something someone says to us control the way we feel? Or are we going to make a conscious decision to let it go. Because after all; in the end, they are just words. By now, it should be clear that it is not the words that are the problem, but our own inability to control our own selves. Our own thoughts. Our own minds. And isn't the inability to control ones own mind a pretty solid definition of insanity? Leading us to a logical conclusion that if words hurt, it must be because of ones own insanity.

However, even though the person receiving the words is responsible for their own condition, it does not excuse or relieve the person who intentionally hurls them of their responsibility for their actions either.

For every action there is a consequence. When the action is intended to harm, one is absolutely responsible for that action. Even though words don't actually hurt, there are many people out there who are 'hurt' by them. While even though it is their own fault for allowing the words to 'hurt' them, it is also wrong to deliberately try and hurt someone. Because one never knows just how deep the insanity lays, or how personal someone may take the attack.

In the end, it still continues to be about the game. About the inability to see beyond the bounds of ones own ignorance. Far too many have no clue to their own spiritual side. Spending their whole lifetime staying in the drama of the moment. Not able to see the larger picture. Living constantly in a state of insanity because they are unable to control their own thoughts and emotions. And even though it has been clearly explained here in this chapter, there are still those who will argue that words do hurt. As we speak, someones life will be forever 'scarred' by something someone says to them. Someone will become angry or hurt over some words hurled at them in an argument. Even worse, someone will be 'bullied' by words and take their own life over it.

Now that's insane.

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