As an intiutive coach, I always stress to my clients that fulfilling your needs yourself is something you have to learn. Most of us are trained from birth to depend upon others to fulfill our needs. We expect food, water, shelter and clothing to be provided for us, and for others to change our diapers. We cry if these needs aren't met, and we expect that they will be fulfilled throughout our life.

Then the rules change. I see this a lot in my intuitive coaching lessons: most of us gradually have that privilege taken away as we get older. It becomes clear that we have to go out into the world and make our own way. Some of us do this better than others. Those of you who do best are the ones who know that you are responsible for fulfilling your needs yourselves.

Those who expect handouts - who want others to make decisions for them or who need others to pave and plow the way- are dependent upon others. These people are often the ones who complain the most because things are not as they like. They cry or demand that things are changed to suit them or that they be given more. The cycle continues and they are never happy, and never have their needs met.

There is another need that we all have that isn't as obvious. It is the need for love. Many of us receive this from those who raise us, others do not. Some of us learn to depend upon the love of others to fulfill this need. We perform in certain ways so that we can be "fed" and nurtured with the love we need. Others sadly deny the need for love and become cold hearted and crippled.

A third approach is to realize that while love exists all around in others, we are responsible for fulfilling this need as well. When we depend upon others for love we become unhappy. We develop expectations of how that need is displayed to us and how it is fulfilled. We want more affection, more smiles, gifts... We have these expectations and there never seems to be enough love.

The truth is there is no way that others can fulfill your need for love. Only you can fulfill your own need for love. You may try to manipulate the world and others to match your energy to receive the love that you need - but it can't be done. You are unique. The unique love that you need must come from yourself. Fulfilling your needs for love is something that only can do - by loving yourself.

Once you love yourself you will see the love in others. This love from others becomes a joy instead of food. When someone says, "You are delightful. I feel love for you," you will understand why they say that. You love yourself enough to agree. You will also be delighted at the love that is being displayed by the other, and will rejoice in the sharing of this love.

Fulfilling your needs means that you no longer depend upon others to bend to your own needs. You can remain objective and ask only what is possible. To ask a self-absorbed, workaholic to show affection and honor you when he is working is asking the impossible. It's like asking a child of three to cook dinner for the family. You can ask, but expect to get cereal, peanut butter and grapes, not fillet steak and mashed potatoes.

When you love yourself you're able to see others more clearly and accept what they have to offer. You are no longer disappointed and sad when others do not fulfill your needs. If you ask someone to do something for you, communicate clearly what you want.

If he does a poor job, you will know that he can only be depended upon to do that type of job. If you ask for more you'll be disappointed. If you only receive occasional kindness from a person, you should be happy with what the person has to offer. If you ask for more, you'll be disappointed. Seek elsewhere for that extra kindness.

Yes, it's up to you. However, you are bigger than you think. You are infinitely connected to all the energy available to you. You can tap into the love that is within you and create the life you want. It all begins with you. You are the arm of the Creator who provides for you. Love yourself, depend upon yourself and provide away. Fulfilling your needs and desires yourself will appear natural.

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